Vetti Apisers Part I - a.k.a. What can forwards do?!

A routine part of a software engineer is to send and receive forwards. On one such day I received a forward like this:

“Sweeper's Salary = 72,345.50 / Month / & Urs? In NTPC”

with some pdf attached which contained scanned snippets from Times of India and Nav Bharat Times. Till date I’m yet to verify its authenticity! Google never returned results, nor could I find it the Times of India, Delhi!

I've no clue. A lazy Software Engineer doing his part of reading and forwarding mails that are like jawbreakers! This one broke all my bones too!!!

BOOOHOOO!!! There would already be a big queue and I think I'm late for it. Is there a possibility of me being recommended for that job?! I've all the requisites that's needed. I keep my cubicle clean all the time!

Though a hoax forward, I enjoyed the aftermath of this. I had good chat session with one of my colleagues. It went great and I’m posting it.

Blue: Me
White: Colleague

BOOOHOOO!!!

WOW, guess I wouldn't mind joining as the sweeper at NTPC ;)

Me neither! I should BLOW and take a print of it and make it ready before XXXX comes in next time ;-)

Hey! Then we'll have him as a competitor!!!!!

It'll be all the more distressing and depressing!

Yeah, I know, that would be like limits. So are you still jobless today as well?

Well, I guess they were noticing me for the last few days and finally decided that I should rack my brains out. Thus, for the day for their eyes I'm keeping myself occupied by doing the work pressed on to me.

Lately, I have feeling there's been a conspiracy going against the hero (No need to look around, it is me!) well, here it goes: They are testing my stress skills, given a 'piece of cake issue' and impose constraints (emails, messages and rotten forwards and beautiful girls to distract (little did they know that This--->Company is not improving!!!)) and see whether he can cope with his work and bring out the quality too. Well, if he does then we should not give his increment and promotion, rather add more constraints and test till he fails. Little did the higher-ups know, that the Hero is as said a true, genuine Hero. Thus always kills the villains and saves the day for the people to world to live peacefully!

Peace reigns!!!

WOW, I didn't know you had good looking girls on your floor :)) And that these girls were bent on distracting you?! Good going hero, keep up the good work!!!!

Well, I guess the sarcasm did its job: Perfectly mistaken! My floor, as you are aware, has no girls at all. I do not consider the existing long-haired-colourfully-dressed-ones as an opposite s3x of mine (Little did anyone know that This--->Company is not improving!!!). Our company is trying to achieve international standards by recruiting the XX chromosomes, but forgoing quality in doing so! I hope I can put that in our company grievances stuff!

Dude, for that matter they seem to be forgoing quality in the XY chromosomes too, so I guess its just the recruitment in whole that’s so mired and not confined to XX or XY chromosomes.

Yes, you are perfectly right! No improvement on either side (Oops! I'm sounding gayish! ;-)) May be you should support the mutiny that's to arise to voice this lethargic action of our company to such a baseless recruitment! We've the right to!

Aw! Well they'll quell this mutiny saying you're no better than them and deserve such people :(.

Hmmm... They were right on that part, I'm not better. But, I'm the best. Coming to a late realisation, it’s their mistake that I'm here. It’s not mine. Yahoo!!!

They didn't compel you!!! Did they? To join This--->Company !!!! So it’s totally your fault that you are here!!!!!!

You are speaking too much truth, I'm trying to live in a fantasy land, but you are not allowing me too. BOOHOO. GUARDS! GUARDS! GUARDS! There's a traitor amongst us, who is actually working for THIS Company! Arrest!!!

No! Please don't take me away, he's the traitor, not me. I was just pointing a few bitter truths. Is it the price one has to pay for honesty? What has this world come to?

"I’m always on the side of truth"

Actually I said this in front of my roomie once and now this dialogue of mine has become very famous amongst my friends :)

And suddenly there's a loud thunder BOOM DROOM BOOM

A voice speaks: Child, you are living in fantasy land too. I'd created this world only for those who want to live it for themselves. It is a game I created to rejoice. Well, in your colloquial terms: Time Pass. I've always liked to see people slinging mud at each other, it makes me feel good. I wanted the world to be perfect, but some where somehow a virus crept in and disrupted the harmony. And thus, you are a by-product such a disaster. I'm trying to digest the fact that in the world of BLACKNESS how come there's still a WHITE stuff?! Dismay! Think I should force in more evil to wipe this world of all goodness. Child, take my hand and leave this world. I'm trying to destruct it. But, I'm doing it the human's style. Let themselves bring in shroud upon them, meantime I'm planning and making amends watching this prototype, in order to create the next level of world and Humans. And I believe you'll fit there appropriately!

Sathya meva jayathey!

The young girl shudders at the voice.

So much malice, so much hatred, all just to amuse the one who's being worshipped as the protector of all!!! But she vows to protect this world; this world with all its stupidity and pain is still a beautiful place. A place which deserves nice people, people who love each other and trust each other. So out she sets, all alone in her journey to bring peace and prosperity to this god forsaken place!!! Few may join her in her journey but she knows the road ahead is a difficult one to tread, but hope she will not lose!!!!!

He speaks again (appalled by this young girls bravery): Hrrrmm (Tries to clear his throat), he speaks: Girl, Can I've Vicks? I've a cold! (Forgetting the fact that he's god and his comedy will not work out!) (Laughs aloud, realising his stupidity! Though he wants to have fun, people are not realising it! He starts again.)

As you'd quoted (Are you as jobless as the one you've accused as being one?!) the world is filled with love, trust and hope. But it is scattered everywhere and its going to be quite difficult to gather them and unite to re-build this world from where it stands now. Think about those services I can offer you in Heaven (I'm not even offering you Hell!!). Stop being foolish, as whatever you are saying will never work! I can bet a million bucks (Shucks! I'm God, I cannot talk like this!! Hmmm... but I cannot resist this offer, I'm sure to win, I've powers that she has never seen before! One mantra, she'll be gone!!!). What says you girl? Can you take this challenge of cleaning up this world for good (Realizes: What will I do, if she's going to do this?! Other side says: Let's see and have fun.)? But before you take a step, you are to know this:
People will resort to individuality!
They'll put their emotions before reasoning!
Rationality will be a thing of the past!

Even though a counterpart, I bless you with HOPE, LOVE and WILL you need!

And he sprays the smoke and switches on the record player that plays: BOOM DROOM BOOM and is about to make the vanishing act, but stops when the crowd started to applaud and shouts Encore! Encore! Encore! (He filters all the Boos from the crowd and picks only the sweet sounds. Pleasing him! He even catches the Eggs and Tomatoes thrown at him, as it would be useful for his night dinner!)

The girl does not flinch at these words from the almighty.

She thinks to herself "I have miles and miles to go before I sleep" (the first thought that occurs to her is those so many miles that she has to go will probably help her reduce the much hated flab!!!)

Her task maybe daunting, but her will is like steel (thanks to the likes of Mr Laxmi Narayan Mittal there's a lot of that lying around). Faith is what keeps us alive and ticking for if not for faith and hope what else is to remain in this world. She knows her time is drawing near but she will go down fighting, you see she was always on the side of truth. Despite her worries and a thousand deadlines, she ploughs on, determined!

But she is now angry with God because if he would have let her catch the eggs and tomatoes maybe she needn't have worried about her dinner!!

He signs off, by saying this: Not everyone gets this blessed opportunity of getting roughed up with Eggs and Tomatoes. Be me and you shall get some!

Wait a sec, flab? But you are not a fatso! ARGGH! These girls, they always worry about a thing that never happens! "Time is drawing near" ---> Leaving already? Who'll answer your PM of your non-committance?

Finally he gifts her with this wonderful book, appreciating her will-power of adjusting with all the disgust that was poured on her: "Why Men don't listen and Women can't read maps.pdf"

The girl indeed takes it as a compliment when God almighty says she isn't a Fatso. Well to each, his own!!!

Time is actually drawing near for her PM to leave and before that he takes one last look at his group of Software engineers, poor hapless beings, watching their monitor blank eyed and hoping and wishing for things to work :( The status of the project is discussed and it is decided that the doomed software engineers have to work their way through the weekend, although these poor souls have no beginning of the week and no end :(

But the girl is eternally grateful for the book because that’s only solace in this crazy crazy world!!!!! And now she has to get back to her mundane routine work.

He shouts from Heaven: All the best Girl. Take care. Meet you soon...

She screams back from earth: Catch ya later :)